That Someone -A Poem-

I want someone who’s as broken as I am
I want someone as psychotic as I am
I want someone who understands pain
I want someone who thinks that suicide is beautiful
I want someone who loves my scars and would kiss them
I want someone who sees the aesthetic side of self-mutilation
I want someone who’s sadistic
I want someone who’s masochistic
I want someone who can laugh aloud to my jokes and joke along with me in all morbidity and profanity
I want someone who loves all my demons
I want someone to notice my scars even when I smile happily
Is there that someone?
I’m glad that that someone doesn’t exist
Because I’m complacent where i am now
I don’t want that someone to exist
That someone is never within my reach
And that’s okay

-L

Type

My friend asked me what's my type? She meant the type of guy/girl that I like.
I told her that I have no type.
But then we discussed, along insertion of Supernatural slashes, and BOOM! I finally realized my type. But I'm not gonna write here what's my type is like. LOL!

But realizing it scares me in a way.
I'm scared of feeling something.
Especially something like this.
That's why I'm here; writing. Because this is an escape to me.
I need to write it down so that I can make the shits get more real.
When it had been materialized, and then can I only let it out of my system.
I think we 'clicked'; s/he and I.
I know s/he won't try anything because s/he knows where s/he stands and s/he will not cross that line.
But I'm more afraid of myself.
I'm always afraid of myself.
I never know what to expect of my next action.
I tend to do things exactly like how I would not want to do it.
It sucks.
Because all of these emotions in me; I can't control them. I don't like it.
And my 'vent' app in my phone could no longer help me since my phone broke and I no longer have the app so here I am; venting. But whatever. Just need to let this out for a bit.
I'll feel better after this.
I hope so.

Journal Entry 002

I want to take a knife
And stab all my memories with you
I want to see them bleed dark red blood
I want to see them die
I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to feel
But all this knife will ever hurt is me
The only one who will bleed is me
The only one who died was me

COMING SOON!

Quotes from 'Beautiful: The Monster Within' Novella

Message to my dear readers...

Journal Entry 001

Last night I felt like pulling the razor along my skin. So I hid the pain inside. It was screaming so LOUD. Asking for help. Begging to end. Why do I let myself fell into the same loophole? Merry-go-round. Carousel. I'm dying inside when I'm already dead. The same cycle. -L